1. Not even dinner time and the old lady is downing wine like a fiend. #typical

    Not even dinner time and the old lady is downing wine like a fiend. #typical

    Photo
    2 months ago

  2. Things My Mom Will Attack

    • Me: Hit him! (as a guy rides his bike recklessly across the street)
    • Mom: Maybe if he had a shopping cart...
    • Me: That makes it sound like you hate homeless people. With their shopping carts.
    • Mom: No, children... I don't hate children! I meant I'd hit them. With shopping carts...
    Chat
    8 months ago

  3. "I like to thpeak with a lithp because I thound like a three year old… Thee, I can thpeak with a lithp on my own… I bet your friendth moms don’t thpeak with a lithp…"

    Quote
    My Mom who is “more special” than my friends’ moms… She said so herself…
    8 months ago

  4. "Note to self: Don’t talk out loud…"

    Quote
    My Mom (she meant think… but the fact that she said this note to self out loud means she was thinking out loud anyway…)
    8 months ago

  5. "I wonder if farmers drink coffee… The Amish do… I mean, they get up at three in the morning! They must drink coffee! Cowboys do!"

    Quote
    My mommy
    8 months ago

  6. My Mother Abuses Animals…

    In her angry, drunken rage, my mom violently tore fur off my cat.

    She wanted to go outside and he was sitting in front of the door. But instead of kindly asking him to move aside, or nudging him over, like a normal person, she stepped on his tail. With tears in his eyes, he ran away, and in doing so, a large chunk of fur was cruelly detached from his tail.

    He never spoke again…

    Text
    8 months ago

  7. "Nekkid. It’s what they say in hillbilly country. It’s in their dictionary… Nekkid."

    Quote
    My Mom
    8 months ago

  8. "Some people need crack cocaine… I don’t. *laughter*"

    Quote
    My Mother as she sits in the other room talking to herself…
    8 months ago

  9. "I want to increase my imprint footstep!"

    Quote
    My Environmentally Conscious Mother (she meant “carbon footprint”… or at least that’s what we assume she meant… no one really knows…)
    8 months ago

  10. "I’ve said so many great things… And now I can’t remember… And now I can’t share them with the world!"

    Quote
    My Forgetful Mother
    8 months ago